To Know the Divine

I know a lot of stuff. I really do. I am an uber-nerd, so my brain is filled with all sorts of facts that are pretty much useless in everyday life. If I had time and money, I would spend the rest of my life going to universities to learn even more not-so-useful stuff. I'm just sick that way.

So, when I Jamie Ridler asked "What do you wish to know?" I had to really stop and think. I want to know physics and astronomy and Asian history and how to knit. However, the gift of the internet is that I could learn those things whenever I want, so I don't think they are quite wish worthy.

Of course, I always want to get to know myself better. That is a constant work in progress, but I feel pretty good about my progress in that regard. After months and months of working with my morning pages, I feel like I have a pretty clear picture of what is important to me, and I'm learning more and more about what triggers certain responses and all that wonderful crap. Since I'm making progress there, I'm not sure that is quite wish worthy ever.

The one place I feel stuck, what I don't know anymore, is the Divine. Now I've had a pretty rocky relationship with organized religion, but I have always believed in the Divine. Years ago, she and I had a pretty good relationship. I used to hike to this lake every morning - I used to call it the Church of Lower Lake - and I would feel her presence in every fiber of my being. I could be still and know, and not just know intellectually, but instinctively and physically.

(The Church of Lower Lake)

The great poet of the North, Robert Service, asked:

Have you seen God in his splendor
heard the text that nature renders?
(You'll never hear it in the family pew.)

I saw, I heard, I felt, and I knew. I had faith and I trusted.

Then I someone I loved died in a way that no one should ever die. He took with him my peace and my connection to the Divine. I still know she exists in my head, and I still have faith in her. I even talk to her from time to time, but I haven't felt her presence in almost eight years. I miss her. I want to know, to really know, to be still and KNOW that she is.

So what do I wish to know? I wish to know how to mend my tenuous relationship with the Divine, to know how to reconnect with her through spirit, to know how to be still again. I wish to know to hear her again. I think that is wish worthy.

So, what do you wish to know?

I wish you nothing but goodness as you learn life's lessons.